


The More Difficult Path

by enigmaticblue



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Altered Mental States, Community: trope_bingo, Episode: s03e13 The Trance, Gen, Shaman Blair Sandburg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 17:05:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14477298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigmaticblue/pseuds/enigmaticblue
Summary: The shaman’s path has never appealed to him.





	The More Difficult Path

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the trope_bingo prompt “altered states (of the mind)” and the sentinelbingo trope, “The Trance”

Blair centers himself, staring at the guttering candle on the floor, and trying to focus on his breathing, instead of on the memory of Incacha’s hands touching him, his dying words.

 

Weeks have passed since the Chopec were in Cascade, since Incacha died, and Blair hasn’t allowed himself to think about his words, his charge to Blair.

 

Blair has barely meditated these last weeks, too afraid of what he might find, what he might experience. He has no desire to walk the shaman’s path, and yet he thinks Jim might need that from him. He remembers how Jim balked when Blair urged him to follow his nose, how Jim was far more comfortable with her religion than Blair expected.

 

Maybe if Blair seeks clarity in meditation…

 

He doesn’t share Corinna’s beliefs, and he’s not seeking to connect with a god or goddess, but he knows how to achieve a trance. Some religions use drugs or herbs to achieve an altered state, some use music, but Blair is going to use rhythmic breathing and a focus point.

 

Jim has had his own spiritual experiences, and while Blair wouldn’t call himself agnostic, he’s not sure what he believes either.

 

He breathes in, smelling the melting beeswax of the candle. He won’t use anything scented, because it might bother Jim’s senses.

 

He breathes out.

 

Blair counts off silently, in and out, opening his mind to the universe, to whatever it has waiting for him.

 

He keeps breathing.

 

He’s no longer in the loft.

 

Blair looks around, and he’s in a blue-shaded jungle. The lighting is odd, and he’s not sure if this is an astral plane or something else altogether. He doesn’t know what to make of it.

 

“I see you have found your way here.”

 

Blair turns to see Incacha standing there. “Were you waiting for me?”

 

“Time does not pass here the way it does for you,” Incacha replies. “So, let us say that I was hoping you would come.”

 

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” Blair says.

 

“We all take our own paths,” Incacha replies. “You wish to be a true partner to Enqueri.”

 

“Yes,” Blair replies. “I think he needs more than I can give him.”

 

Incacha smiles. “I chose you for the shaman’s path because I knew you were worthy. I knew that you would walk the path with him.”

 

“What if I’d never sought it?” Blair counters.

 

Incacha shrugs philosophically. “I chose you, but it was still your choice.”

 

Blair isn’t quite sure how to respond to that. “But if Jim needed a shaman, and I hadn’t chosen the path?”

 

“You have the spirit of a wolf,” Incacha says. “The wolf is misunderstood. People think the wolf is solitary, but the wolf is a pack animal, desiring of company. I had faith.”

 

“What if that faith had been misplaced?” Blair argues.

 

Incacha shrugs eloquently. “Then perhaps neither of you would have reached your true potential.”

 

Blair has no idea how to respond to that. “I’m not sure what I’m doing.”

 

“You need to accept this gift,” Incacha replies. “Much the same way that Enqueri accepted his.”

 

Blair isn’t too sure about that. “What if I make a mistake? What if I suck at this?”

 

Incacha regards him with dark eyes. “The choice is yours.”

 

And then he’s gone, and Blair sees a wolf in his place, stalking towards him. Blair is torn between acceptance and fear. He wants to run away from this—and he can’t.

 

“Hi, there,” Blair says. “I guess we’re doing this.”

 

The wolf grins a doggy grin and leaps. Blair feels almost as though he’s been electrocuted, and his back arches. When his eyes open again, he’s back in the loft, but the world looks subtly different. The colors seem off somehow, and there’s a faint halo around the various items around the room.

 

He blinks, and wonders what—if anything—he’s going to tell Jim.

 

As though his thoughts had summoned him, the front door to the loft opens and Jim enters. “Sandburg! You hungry? I brought dinner.”

 

Blair quickly makes up his mind _not_ to tell Jim about any of this, not just yet. He has no idea what Jim’s response will be, or if he will think Blair somehow overstepped, or maybe that he’s just lost his mind.

 

Later, when Blair is more certain of what this means, of what it means to walk the shaman’s path, he’ll tell Jim.

 

“Sandburg?” Jim calls, knocking on Blair’s door. “Did you hear me?”

 

“Yeah, I heard you,” Blair replies. “Give me a second, and I’ll be right out.”

 

“You okay?” Jim asks.

 

“Yeah, man, I’m fine,” Blair says. “Just a second.”

 

With a deep breath, Blair blows out the candles he’d used to meditate and scrubs his hands over his face, trying to clear his head.

 

Jim gives him a hard look as he sets out containers of Chinese food. “You hungry?”

 

Blair shrugs. “Not really, but I could eat.”

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he presses. “You don’t sound like yourself.”

 

Blair forces a smile. “I’m fine, really, just tired.”

 

Jim gives him a suspicious look, but eventually shrugs. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

 

Blair feels an overwhelming fondness for Jim, and he imagines telling Jim that he’s spoken to Incacha on another plane, that he wants to know what it means to have the way of the shaman passed on to him.

 

And then he thinks about what Jim will say about altered states and spiritual mumbo jumbo and he keeps his mouth shut tight.

 

Maybe, eventually, he’ll tell Jim about this, but not today.


End file.
